she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
