I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I skipped work to stalk him.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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