I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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