I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
