I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
