We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
