since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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