I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
