we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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