so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
