Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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