Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
