The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
