After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
