dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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