he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
