At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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