ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
