we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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