They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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