That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did we literally take a cab across the street
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
