y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
