i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
