The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
