You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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