i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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