Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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