I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
