This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My hand turned me down
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
