I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
vagina is talking i cant
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Randomize
