So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
