haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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