I want to make a zoo with you.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
