didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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