i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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