i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
