Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
