you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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