What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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