Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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