Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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