My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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