The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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