Can i not drive my cunt home
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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