I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
