So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
