People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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