wakey wakey hands off snakey
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
