Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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