I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
