My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i love accidental penises.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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