So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
