He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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