We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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