just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
