Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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