Nicole vs. Life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
