Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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