bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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