I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.