I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later