I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.