John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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