He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
