Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At least life still wants to fuck me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
