You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
