so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
