I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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