I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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