goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
