Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
