I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
