Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
