she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
