If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
