Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
