R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
