You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
