Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
