I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
