Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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