he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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