I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
