i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
