I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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