True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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