please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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